Desperate measures

DESPERATE SITUATIONS REQUIRE DESPERATE MEASURES
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Look, I said to my wife, prices of commodities have skyrocketed owing to the sharp decline in oil prices and reckless spending by previous administrations during the periods of oil boom.
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So, the choices before us are just two: It's either we readjust our lives and LIVE or we continue living big and DIE. Auudhubillaahi!, she said, let's readjust and live. But wait, how do we readjust?
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It's simple, dear, I replied. Here is the new arrangement henceforth:
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* The tradition of buying #300 naira bread everyday for breakfast is over. Consumption of bread shall now be 3 times in a week.
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* On weekends when we're usually at home, breakfast should be delayed till 11am so that it will serve a double purpose of b'fast & lunch.
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* Tàpá rice is cheaper than foreign rice. Therefore, the latter stands disowned for now.
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* Eba shall replace semolina until the latter's price comes down.
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* DSTV subscription rate shall be reduced from #6000 (Compact rate) to #1,800 (Access rate).
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* The generator shall run only for 3 hours daily, between 8pm-11pm.
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* Airtime recharge shall be strictly regulated. All unnecessary calls must be avoided. Also, all avoidable pleasantries, banters and gossips must be stopped to save airtime.
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* Ọ̀tá piapia shall replace Baygon, Mobil, etc.
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* All unnecessary courtesies such as slaughtering fowls for important visitors must stop. Anyone visiting us shall be served the same food we the host are eating, even if it is garri.
Et cetera et cetera.
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If you keep wailing over hardship everyday, yet you spend on frivolities in the name of necessities, OYO is your surname.
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Learn to adapt to situations. Learn to match your expenditures with your income and save for the rainy days. Avoid wastage. Be prudent in spending.