AM I asking for too much?

MY GIRLFRIEND WILL NOT BE ALLOWED TO:
.
1. Text other boys after 6pm
.
2. Call other boys by pet names ...unless you wanna see me turn into Incredible Hulk
.
3. I don’t refuse my girlfriend to have male friends but those friends need to know their
place ... She has my trust here and she mustn't dare break it
.
4. Chat with a boy for more than 10minutes …after 10minutes, she shud tell them their time is up
.
5. She is not allowed to laugh at guys’ jokes…. She has to call me first then we can decide if its funny or not then laugh together.
.
6. She is not allowed to write on guys’ walls... I also have a wall to write on.
.
7. She is not allowed to have a male best friend.
.
8. She is not allowed receive any phone calls after 8pm… Unless when the person's wife is about to give birth or something
.
9. She is not allowed to Say “Thank You Dear” after a boy has complimented her ie on her photos….Niggaz see that as a
gateway to flirt with her or make that a habit.
.
10. She is not allowed to Chill with other boys. If he wants to chill he can go stand next to the air conditioner
.
11. If a boy needs some advice from her, he must make an appointment to talk to both
of us, you know… TWO HEADS ARE BETTER THAN ONE
.
12. she’s not allowed to have a brother or cousin (from another mother) … If you want my girlfriend to be your sister, then Nigga that makes me your
Brother… We can be one big happy family!!!
.
Pls am i asking for too much?