Things a man man must NEVER say to a woman before having sex

Pleasing women has always been very tricky,Indeed,
with women, all you have to do is press the wrong
button and they will be gone. Just like that!

Here are 10 things South African men should avoid
telling a woman before hitting the sack:

1. I will make you scream

When you start roaring how you will shred her into
small pieces, she imagines you are endowed like a
horse where it matters. But just shut up. She will
compliment you if need be or you surpass her
expectations.

2. I will set it on fire

No woman loves being left feeling sore after it’s
over. Don’t tell her an extinguisher will be needed
only for you to light up half your sulphur that is
blown off even before she starts panting.

3. Are you wet

Can’t you check Men check the oil gauge of their cars,
but for that, they have to ask! Yet it is part of pre-
match warm up. ‘Are you wet’ is a retarded question
that should be reserved for umbrella hawkers.

4. This is what you have been begging for

Why do some men make it sound like one is so
desperate to indulge in ‘field events’ The whole
sheet-wrinkling session is a two-way traffic. Besides,
if you really didn’t want her, how did you end up
throbbing at the temples in eager anticipation

5. Does your ex know you are here

Talking about an ex, whether yours or the woman’s, is
a big no-no and turn off. The only time one should
talk about an ex (file) is 10 years after they’re dead,
or if they owe you loads of dough. Whether the ex
knows you’re the new ‘Sheriff in her town’ is an out of
bounds question.

6. Where do you want me to touch

Use experience, bloody moron! And if you’re a first-
timer, does it mean you ploughed through high
school without gaining any knowledge from movies

7. Can I
unleash a ‘silencer’


Unleashing a ‘silencer’ or a thunderous ‘bazooka’,
specially if you are used to each other, is part of that
silly laughter being comfortable with each other
brings. If you really need to fart, please go ahead,
but keep in mind that nobody wants to anticipate the
stench of half-cooked beans and other decaying plant
proteins you have been eating.

8. Did you bring rubber

Dear men, over 22 years after independence and you
still have to ask whether we carried ‘Rubber Johnny’
Just sheath your manhood!

9. Don’t tell my girlfriend

Women are naturally jealous. So, if your chick’s best
pal decides you have to share you with her friend,
then never mention another woman. It is common
sense, stupid!

10. Baby, I’m broke

Not unless you are saying that to a ‘night nurse’
hoping to get a discount, don’t talk about money
matters in the bedroom. It not only makes you sound
weak, but could also see you lose her, especially if it’s
the first time Miss Babes is unleashing Venus for you.
Women love men who have their lives in order. Man
up!