Having a timetable for sex can boost your marriage

Having a timetable for sex can boost your
marriage
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Gabriel Asabi, 37, no doubt has a lot to thank his
friend for. According to him, if not for his (friend’s)
initiative, his three-year-old marriage would have hit
the rocks.
.
Asabi, who lives in Ayetoro, Alimosho area of Lagos
State, works with a private firm in Victoria Island, and
due to the distance and the traffic that characterises
his journey to work every day, he said he usually
returned home late and tired, such that his sexual
relationship was gradually losing steam.
.
He noted that an unpopular advice from his friend
saved his marriage from an imminent collapse.
“My wife has been complaining and it was as if I was
helpless, so I discussed the issue with my friend and
he said my wife and I should draw a workable
timetable for sex. .
.
Initially, I dismissed the idea and I told him I found it very silly, but when I discussed
with my wife, even though she also found it
laughable, we agreed on it and drew a timetable.
Since then, it has only been getting better because
we now have sex regularly. As a matter of fact, sex is
an obligation in marriage. The earlier people see it as
one, the better,” he said.
.
According to him, scheduling sex has not only helped
him and his wife to copulate more regularly, it has
enhanced their intimacy and they now have a happier
marriage.
Understandably, many human activities, especially
those that happen regularly, enjoy some planning
and they make it to people’s to-do list at some point
in time. That initiative has more or less been seen as
a celebrated approach to success in such activities,
including reading, going to the gym, doing exercises,
as well as ensuring efficiency and improved
performance in certain things.
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But, one important activity that has scarcely made it
to the to-do list, in spite of its frequency, is sex. This
could be because many people see it as a
spontaneous activity that happens on its own,
anywhere, anytime and without (much) planning.
It is even safe to say that long before now, it was
largely unheard of to prepare a timetable for sex.
Then, it would easily qualify as an aberration. But out
of the need to rejuvenate or save couples’ sex lives
from collapse, scheduling sex is now one of the
options being canvassed by experts as a solution to a
waning sex life.
.
Going by Asabi’s experience, which was occasioned by
an overwhelming job demand, other reasons that
could prompt a sex timetable include depreciating
sex drive and unequalled libido between couples.
Some critics of the approach have argued that
drafting such a timetable is not romantic and that it
could make sex look like an obligation and make it
boring. But the proponents say the timetable does
not only ensure that couples have more sex, which
guarantees them the benefits derivable from sex,
gives them an impression that they are both working
hard to make the relationship work, it helps the
couple to prepare their mind and body for the
exercise, enhances their bonding and ultimately
brings about a happier marriage.
.
The proponents explain that even though the
timetable is not sacrosanct, as it is subject to change
and compromises, the anticipation and the
countdown to date and time make it something to
look forward to, and that since such people could still
have sex on other days different from those in the
calendar, its overall benefit in enhancing couples’ sex
lives and ultimately their marriage makes it
important.
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Worthy of note is that setting a workable sex
timetable requires the input of both parties, and
some of the many important factors to consider
include the sex drive of both parties and the time
that would be relatively convenient for both, devoid
of interruptions by children or any other person. It
could also include who makes the first move, a
measure that has been found to further strengthen
openness and bonding in marriage.
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A respondent, who identified herself simply as Kemi,
told Saturday PUNCH that she and her husband have
a sex timetable. She said even though it was not
pasted on the wall the conventional way, they both
have copies. She added, “We have sex three times a
week and on such days, we could exchange text
message during the day reminding ourselves of what
is to happen at night. It enables us to fantasise about
it and we look forward to it.”
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According to the Dean of the Institute for Advanced
Studies of Human Sexuality in San Francisco, United
States, Dr. Janice Epp, scheduling sex might be the
way to go for couples who have very demanding jobs.
He told Huff Post, “I frequently see a lot of very
young couples who are working 14- and 15-hour days
and they are wondering why they are not having sex.
They have to be willing to make it a priority. It may
not sound terribly romantic, but scheduling sex could
be the best way for couples who are still interested
in having intercourse to save their marriage and sex
lives.
.
“Some people say sex should be spontaneous but I disagree. You plan other things in your life and you
don’t complain about it. You can do the same with
sex. You should plan your sex date around a time
when you and your partner will have time and the
most energy.
“By scheduling sex and committing to a schedule that
works for both of you, sex can become a valuable and
enjoyable part of your relationship again. It may not
be easy, but it’s worth it. Sex is perfectly natural but
it’s not always naturally perfect. Like anything
worthwhile, sometimes it takes work.”
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One of the studies note that a sex timetable is of a
greater use to people who have low sex drive, thus
making use of a timetable can be of help because
doing it frequently makes them want to have more
of it, since sex is sweet, and if sustained it tends to
boost their intimacy and strengthen their marriage.
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“However, it is also important for couples not to
restrict that sweet exercise to only the days sex
appears on the to-do list or timetable. Having it
outside that window is also helpful,” it adds.
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Commenting on the study, a psychologist, Prof. Oni
Fagboungbe, agreed that a sex timetable could
enhance couples’ sexual experience, intimacy and
marriage. He added, “Meaningful living is based on
planning and anything planned is more likely to turn
out fine. If couples stick to the timetable they
prepared, the mere fact that they have that table
sharpens their expectation, which could increase the
zeal to perform. On the long run, it could strengthen
their relationship.
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“Yes, it could make sex look like an obligation, but is
life itself not an obligation? It enables them to
prepare well because they expect it and when they
follow the timetable, it can increase their intimacy.”
According to him, the only disadvantage is that if for
any reason a party is not able to play his or her role
very well as before, it could leave room for suspicion
but that they could overcome this by talking about it.
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On his part, another psychologist, Prof. Toba
Elegbeleye, said using sex timetable might not be an
ideal initiative, saying it could make sex seem like a
task and that it could be unproductive.
He added, “With a timetable, sex becomes a task and
an obligation, and the moment you see it that way, it
takes the shine off it. Apart from that, it soon
becomes extremely boring. Personally, I do not think
it encourages intimacy and the suspense can be
counter-productive because it may result in an anti-
climax.
“The advantage is that both of them are tied to a
contractual understanding that puts them under
obligation to do it and it won’t permit the two to
forget about sex altogether. To that extent, there
might be some advantage but in terms of body
functioning and operation, I don’t think it’s an ideal
thing to always have a scheduled time for such.”
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Source : PUNCH.